


Meetings are for Losers

by comets_nix



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Beez has a bad day, Cussing, Gabriel has no business being so charming, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Nonbinary Character, Other, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), and the way to a fly's heart is with food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 02:23:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20332486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comets_nix/pseuds/comets_nix
Summary: REQUEST PROMPT: "That was kind of hot."Heaven and Hell's favorite bosses find themselves together for business yet again, but who needs meetings anyways?





	Meetings are for Losers

_The Prince of Hell._ A heavy title to hold, although not nearly as heavy as the Almighty Herself.

  
_The Lord of the Flies._ It struck either fear or disgust in those that had the unfortunate luck to hear, and if it didn't- their minds would be easily changed soon enough

  
_Beelzebub_. Those that knew the word, knew that they were not one to be messed with.

  
At least, that's what Beelzebub themself thought, until the end of the world took a hard u-turn into a flaming dumpster of absolute failure.

There was still one being who had the ridiculous audacity to treat them as if they were a _friend_\- and if it weren't for his dangerously high status, Beelzebub would have disposed of him eons ago.

  
_The Archangel Gabriel._ You didn't realize the importance of his status until it was probably too late. The name would suggest he be a messenger of God, a protector of life, a prophet teller of- well, prophecy... _And oh, how Beelzebub WISHED dearly that they had been there to see him attempt to explain to Mary how and why exactly she was pregnant with a Messiah._

  
Beelzebub _hated_ Gabriel- he was their opposite in every way, and they had no business what so ever being near or around each other in all of space and time.

  
Except... for business.

  
The Lord of Flies, Prince of Hell, currently made their way through the sweaty halls of Hell to the elevator that would take them to New York City's front door location. They should have no shame leaving Hell, or even be taking a walk of agony to an elevator used only by demons sneaking out for a late night temptation, but they truly couldn't handle a single question more about that goddamned- _or God blessed_\- angel Gabriel. Beelzebub was scheduled to meet the bastard in Brooklyn to answer some questions- _they were sure to make certain THEY would be doing the asking, however_\- about a demon that had taken advantage of a graveyard summoning to possess a human and nearly give away some much too important information.

The doors to the elevator closed (_barely)_ with a metallic groan, surrounding Beelzebub in blissful silence.

  
They never realized how loud the complaining of Hell was, until it was _quiet_.

The five seconds it took for the lift to rise and open painfully again in the lobby of the MOMA were too short, as now it was the complaints of humans filling the massive room. Beelzebub's steps grew faster with their irritation as they walked across the stone floor, finding relief only in the shoulders they shoved into on their way and the ceiling twice as high as Hell's.

  
Being in Hell made them itch. But being on Earth made their skin _crawl_.

  
Heads turned as they sped past, and they suddenly wished they had their fly hat on to distract everyone from the ragged mess their obsidian hair was that certainly did not match their form fitting suit and ties. They didn't know how the humans saw them, never cared to give thought to what their appearance came out to be- but the attracted smiles some shot their way were definitely an uncommon sight. They knew enough to know that the boils and wounds littering their face in Hell had disappeared from sight- but they could still feel them, festering behind the illusion. It just made the itching worse, and black claws found semi-relief buried in their palms.

Maybe, they thought, luck would be on their side, and Gabriel would be too busy to show.

  
The double metal doors reading Emergency Exit that led to the back lot magically drew no attention as Beelzebub shoved them both open with a little more force than necessary. They didn’t know how humans did it- just walking around, carelessly, admiring shit that didn’t belong to them and just taking their time with everything. They hoped Gabriel was in one of his usual happy-go lucky moods that no one could trample that day, because at the rate the Lord’s frustration was growing he ran the possibility of being the punching bag of their hot wrath.

  
The demon lord stopped just outside the doors as soon as they swung back shut, breathing in the moldy scent of the wet cement surrounding them. It was quite a shitty parking lot for such a high paying, famous museum, if anyone asked them… But, they supposed the trash stuck in rain puddles and used cigarettes littering the ground was more a comfort than the polished marble and ancient Roman God statues that filled the walls inside. They dared feel lucky that Gabriel had agreed to meet outside instead. He was really much too nice to them.

  
Or, maybe he didn’t realize yet how trashed New York City was close up.

  
Claws finally released their piercing grip on their own hands, as they rose instead to run through their matted hair, scraping their scalp in a comforting sting.

  
The sun felt much too warm on their dark clothes, and it hurt their eyes. Their black boots were still soggy from the wet floors in Hell, and for the first time in a few years, Beelzebub missed the flickering LEDs about to burn out but never quite dying, rather than the bright sunshine full of life. This place still felt too close to Heaven, and maybe Beelzebub was just having a bad day, they had no idea, but everything around them felt like it had a needle and was just ever so slightly stabbing their bare skin waiting for them to lose it.

  
_The humans were still too loud, Beelzebub’s demonic ears picking up way too much admiring and wooing from them over the magnificent statues built by angels, angels she once knew…_

  
Why had they agreed to the MOMA? A place of masterpieces on display for their beauty was nowhere for the Prince of Hell to be found, and _fuck, their face was starting to kill them, it didn’t usually hurt that bad-_

  
The heels of their hands moved down until they pressed into their painful eye sockets, drowning their vision in block from the sun, but intensifying the sounds from inside.

  
_Gabriel, just fucking hurry up-_

  
They suddenly couldn’t remember entirely why they were meeting in the first place. Beelzebub was growing more pissed off and more embarrassed by the second at how the surface world was getting to them so bad all of a sudden- weren’t these emotions for the silly humans?

  
The lord took a few blind steps to the left where they remembered seeing a dumpster overflowing with trash and festering with flies, and finally relaxing ever so slightly as the buzzing of the scavenging insects filled their ears over the city. Beelzebub’s own flies had abandoned them as their halo the minute they had entered the elevator, but the countless strays in the garbage did enough to bring the comfort of buzzing back. One showed them some mercy as it landed on their wrist, crawling up their fingers and towards their wild hair.

And it really wasn’t the doves fault that it just so happened to land on the corner of that very dumpster, scaring off the entire swarm.

  
Beelzebub let a roar of a scream out as their hands left their face, so they could see the entire dumpster fly ten feet across the parking lot when their booted foot met it with enough force to put a human sized dent in it’s side. It was not without demonic miracle that the ear ringing crash went unheard by any humans in the area. The bird flapped its wings furiously, cooing in fear as it flew off in a panic, leaving only white feathers in the wind behind it. _An all white dove? In central New York City? Nice fucking try._

**“Wow. That was kind of hot.”**

  
Gabriel**.**

  
He was miraculously lucky that Beelzebub managed a deep breath in and out before turning around, ready to shred that pale lavender trench coat.

  
“_Seriously?” _They ground out between fangs.

  
“I _thought_ you might be, I don’t know, happy? At my business warming gift?” Well, at least he was overly cheery, as Beelzebub had hoped. His hands were buried in his coat pockets, and his violet eyes twinkled a little too much to such bright sunlight. He was terribly out of place, as much as Beelzebub had been inside, surrounded by a beat up empty lot and litter while being extremely over dressed in such pale angelic colors.

  
The prince stepped closer, wondering if their footprints were leaving fire at how hot they burned. Gabriel accommodated some of their height difference by leaning forward just enough to not be rude, and while it would have usually pissed Beelzebub off anyhow- especially after how their day was currently going- somehow that anger evaporated, leaving them only in a state of overworked exhaustion.

  
“...Stop doing that.” They mumbled after stopping in front of the archangel.

  
“That’s not me.” He said softly back, smiling that idiotic grin. “I mean, it is _me_, but, you know- I think you just fancy me enough to not want to rip my head off. No angel calming-miracles needed.”

  
“Oh, shut up, you self absorbed idiot.“

  
“Ouch…”

  
Beelzebub took another heavy sigh in- ugh, they really needed to stop breathing so much Earth air in- and looked out to the city behind the wall of trees where cars slipped in and out of view among the streets.

  
“Hey…” _Gabriel also really needed to stop sounding so sincere with them._ “You wanna pretend we just, talked about the stuff I can’t remember that we were supposed to talk about, and go grab some human food?”

  
“You hate human food.”

  
“Yes, but you love it. Don’t pretend you don’t.”

  
Beelzebub thought a moment, about either taking advantage of Gabriel’s Heavenly courtesy and heading back to Hell- or taking him up on that offer. His pleading inhuman eyes shouldn’t be sending any sort of feelings to their stomach, but rules were apparently meant to be broken that evening. They definitely weren’t as pissy feeling as they had been before he arrived, be it his calming nature or not, and expensive Thai food _did_ sound all too good all of a sudden…

  
“Okay.. fine.” They forced a sincere blink of whatever trust was allowed between them.

  
“Great! How about that fancy Thai place down the street?” He turned to begin walking towards the sidewalks of Central Park.

  
“Actually, I was thinking McDonalds.”

  
“Oh, uh… of course, as you wish!” Gabriel’s confusion was all too worth it and he beamed down at them.

  
“Why the fuck did you call me hot, by the way?”

“I don’t know, what’s a McDonalds?”


End file.
